Mommy Moment

Like most moms 

All you do all day long is give give give. And while doing this

your doing everything in your power to be perfect. 

My day does not slow down until about 7 or 8pm 

aka BED TIME! 

Sometimes I'm so tired and I'm moving so fast that I tend to turn on auto pilot. 

I'm just trying to make it to bedtime so that I can sit still for a few seconds. 

When I do this I notice three things happen:

1.  I disconnect from people. I'm not as friendly or willing to put time into others. 

I start to feel less like a human and more like a robot.

2. I start stressing over being perfect. 

Making things perfect for Esther, doing a perfect job a work, getting everything done the way they should be, ext.  

3. When I do the two above I end up feeling guilty.

 Like Esther didn't get all of my attention. She didn't get enough of my time. 

I was not perfect enough.

I have a lot of responsibilities. 

I can't stop working and I have to get a degree. 

I need to work hard to accomplish my goals.

Esther's future is to important to give those things up. 

This is just what life looks like for me right now. 

But here is the thing

I am not perfect! I am not a robot! I can't accomplish everything in one day! 

There is a God who is perfect. There is a God who wants to take that stress away. And let me tell you I am giving it to Him! I don't want to strive for perfection because that goal will never be accomplished.

But I need to do something. I need to stop turning on auto pilot. 

This is my life! Some days its hard and others it is easy. 

I need to trust the One who gave me this job.

Who provided a way for me to go to school.

Who loved me enough, trusted me enough, thought I was good enough to be the mother of Esther.

There is no such thing as super mommy, 

but there is such a thing as loving, caring, human mommy.

So starting today, June 12 I am going to make a mommy moment each day for a month.

Wether it is taking Esther to the pool. 

NOT folding the laundry.

OR even better going to see a movie. 

I'm going to do it! 

( I will post them on facebook)

God did not leave me when I spat in His face and did whatever I wanted to no matter how it made Him or my family feel. 

And He isn't about to leave me now. 

There is a lot going on in my head today.

Like I said earlier everything is so different.

I'm much more sensitive to certain things.

For example I use to lie all the time. I would lie about things I didn't even need to lie about. It would just fly right out of my mouth. Now God put something in my heart that is sensitive to the truth. I know feel the need to very, almost brutally, honest about the smallest thing.


Something that touched me today is worship.
Worship is something completely different now.
I now feel God in the room.
The songs and the words bring tears to my eyes.
They even cause me to cry with real hard tears.

My chains are gone, I've been set free.
My God, My Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Amazing Love
Amazing Grace


My chains are gone. I've been set free. 
I'm no longer tangled in webs of lies. I'm no longer defined by a relationship.
I'm no longer lost and alone.

My God, My Savior has ransomed me.
He freed me from my self and things I could not escape.

And like a flood His mercy rains
Amazing Love
Amazing Grace




I'm more sensitive to sin because Jesus is inside me. I gave up my selfishness and gave up the very things tearing me away from Him.
And now I'm free. I'm passionate about life. And really happy.

It's not easy, but I am so thankful for today.
A day to humble my heart before my Rescuer and bask in His love.

Happy Easter!

It's almost Easter.

Usually Easter would just mean a ham lunch, some candy, a few goodies, and a church service.

This Easter is a little different.

I have always been a sinner. ( Who isn't!) 


But this year I'm so obviously a sinner.

This year I have a sweet little baby and no ring on my ring finger.


This Easter I actually feel His salvation.


Because Jesus endured the cross I get to be a mom to the sweetest little girl.
I get to be a college student.

Esther and I have a happy life together.

Jesus had no real reason to save me. I never once gave Him a good reason to.
He just loved me that much.


I was going to upload a picture of Esther in her Easter leggings, but I can't find my camera cord. 

In my Bible 104 class I am currently going through the Bible in 8 weeks.

The whole entire Bible!

I'm also taking an 8 week Humanities course.

It seems like nothing.

But, It's exhausting. It's more work than I actually want to do.



Lately I am learning a lesson in being disciplined.
I have to steal my moments. When Esther is napping.
When the babies at BBCC are sleeping.
When someone is willing to play with her longer than 2 seconds.


It's hard work, but the end result is worth it.
Esther and I's future is worth it.

Are you dating someone?

I get this question all the time. 

Let me just clue you in on my daily schedule.

6am get ready for the day

7am get Esther up and fed

7:30am leave for Nana's

8am arrive at Nana's give Esther kisses. Leave for work

8:30-1:30 ( till 4:30 two days a week) WORK

and so on...

Does it look like I have time to date someone? 

No but seriously I don't need to be with anyone. 

God is my husband. 

Let's be honest God never intended us women to be single parents. 

We need help! And it gets so lonely!!

But God says He will be the widows husband. 

A young mom is a widow. 

During her pregnancy she mourns the lost of the family she always wanted. 

The husband she expected him to be. 

The husband she always dreamed of having. 

What hurts more is when this man leaves after baby.... even when baby number two is born.

God says He will be my Husband and he has stood by this.

He has been by my provider by providing jobs. 

I have never once been jobless. 

He has been my comforter and supporter through my family.

And finally he has been companion and joy through little Esther Rose.

So your answer to wether or not I am dating someone, not exactly. 

I've committed to not dating anyone until Esther is a year and I don't really need anyone right now. 

This is repeated over and over in Songs of Songs

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." Song of Songs 2:7

I will meet someone hear on earth. No need to worry about it. No need to looking for it. 

God is filling that need Himself for now. 

My sweet Esther Rose

Words can't even express how much I love this little girl.

Sometimes I get so tired though. My mind is always going. 

I am up at 5 am every morning and I try to be in bed by 9 pm every night.

I work 7 to 8 hours.

In my spare moments I work on my school work.

My goal is to have it finished before the weekend.

This way I can focus on laundry and errands.

I have small amounts of time to myself.

(Look at that little foot!)

But every night when I get her ready for bed

and I snuggle that sweet little thing in for her last feeding of the day

I remember how blessed I really am. 

All the work and exhaustion is worth it.

God has kept all of His promises. 

My heart is overwhelmed with love for the One who is always faithful.

My heart is overwhelmed with the love for my Esther Rose.

God uses all things for good. 

Do you feel His goodness?

Maybe you still need to humble your heart before the One who is always faithful.

Who always keeps His promises.

He's waiting to be your Savior. 

He's waiting to show you His goodness.

He is always faithful.

Just Look At My Life.

Just Look At That Baby's Smile.

Bows

This mommy loves bows

Big Bows

Little bows

Purple Bows

Flower Bows

Even Puff Bows

I love this little baby so much

And her bows!