Bows

This mommy loves bows

Big Bows

Little bows

Purple Bows

Flower Bows

Even Puff Bows

I love this little baby so much

And her bows!

My Mom

I love this picture. 

I was so happy to have my mom with me when I had Esther.

I was nervous and really had no idea what was truly about to happen.

But my mom stood by me and then she stood by Esther when I couldn't.

I felt relieved knowing my mom was there to comfort Esther.

My mom steps up whenever I need her.

She took over a late night feeding.

She watches Esther while I do school work.

She has always loved me no matter what.

And what means the most 

she simply loves Esther.

I want to be that kind of mom to Esther. 

Shots

This sweet baby had to get five shots today.

This baby!

And of course I cried.

On the way home I got to thinking. When she began crying because of that shot I felt terrible.
I wanted to snuggle her up and make her feel all better.

At that very moment nothing mattered except for her.
I forgot everything else and only focused on this little girl who was looking to me for comfort.

It's so easy to forget what really matters.
You get stuck in routine.
You lose track of reality.

That baby is the only thing that matters.
She's why I'm going to school. Even though I'm exhausted.
She's why I'm switching from full time to part time at work. Even though I should be striving to make more money.
It's why I chose to leave her father. Even though it can be so lonely sometimes.
And why I make a point to work on my relationship with Christ.

Its hard to change.
Sometimes your just to tired to write an essay.
Or its just so lonely without someone there.

When I chose to keep Esther I chose to sacrifice everything I wanted for her.
I chose to make hard changes and work hard on myself.

Are there things you need to change?
Is there someone you need to leave?
Is there something you need to do?

Talk with someone who is wise and has experience in life.


And pray about it.

It doesn't stay difficult forever.
Maybe its time to finally change your life for the better.
Maybe its time to be the person you always wanted to be.

God says, "Never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5

Love is Patient

I've always felt like I was a patience person. 

I mean I take care of other people's children for living...

And I like it!

But there is a whole new genre of patience when it comes to 3am belly aches!

Its sad really

Esther is crying because her stomach hurts and I'm crying because I just want to sleep.

It's hard not to be really frustrated.

Not frustrated at Esther. Frustrated at the fact that her stomach hurts and its 3am!

I knew I needed something to calm my heart. I can't control her belly aches. 

There is nothing I can do except soothe her.

So I needed to get rid of the frustration. 

And be patient. 

The best place to look for help in all situations is the bible. 

So I looked! 

( I honestly couldn't find anything so I had to ask my dad. I'm still learning.)

What stuck was 1 Corinthians 13:4.

You should really look this verse up! It's all about what love truly looks like. (Google it!)

The part that I most needed at 3am was

Love Is Patient. 

I have to remind myself love is patient. 

Lets be honest. 

I sometimes have to remind myself several times.

Love is patient.

Love is patient.

Love is patient.

Love!

Is!

Patient!

God is so good. And His word is powerful! Repeating those words set my heart at ease.

They remind me that I'm not just a college student.

I'm the mom. I'm the grown up. And I have to get a grip.

Because Esther is a child. 

And I can't control that she has belly aches. 

Just like I won't be able to control the fact that she chose to throw a fit in the middle of Target. 

Esther relies on me and my attitude.

There for I need to remember love is patient. 

And teach her love is patient. It all falls on my shoulders and I have to step up.
I have to do what is best for her.
Even if it means working on myself.
Which is HARD!

Esther has a problem!

Esther has a problem. 

She's been doing it since the day she was born. Her Grammy caught her!

She sneaks it in the middle of the night.

She does it in her car seat when she thinks no one is looking.

She's even been caught doing it in the living room!

Sometimes she even does it while her Auntie is holding her.

My sweet little Esther is a thumb sucker. 

She can't stop!

She won't stop!

In some extreme situations she will even refuse the pacifier!

But lets just be honest... She is so stinkin' cute!

 (You can't tell me that hair isn't cute. I won't believe you!)

A Humbled Heart

I lost everything the second the pregnancy test was positive. I lost my reputation and respect. I lost what friends I thought I had. I gave up my job and being with some of the greatest people I know. My future was changed forever...

Heart broken doesn’t even come close.

I felt so alone. And honestly, I was to ashamed to reach out to anyone. I didn’t feel like I deserved to unload my pain and loss onto anyone else. I had caused enough hurt.

What I didn’t realize is that I had been lost all along. But now for the first time I was feeling it. I realized I can’t do this by myself. It was pretty obvious what I was doing was not working.

 I grew up knowing God is always there. So I started talking to Him. I unloaded all of my pain and loss onto Him. For the first time in my life I humbled my heart and admitted I was a screw up and I desperately needed Him to save me.

God started showing up. He saw my broken heart and started guiding me towards healing. It started with someone to talk to. And then a weekend job with a great family. And not long after that a full time job during the week. And before I knew it I was full time college student. God was answering every prayer I had. 

And here I am now...

with a baby who loves to snuggle.

A baby who is always smiling 

And a baby who almost never cries. 

God knew exactly what I needed and gave me the most perfect baby. 

When I think about the dreams I had for myself I feel the old sorrows creep back in my heart. But then I remember to humble my heart and remember the One who saved me and the things He has in store for my future.

And now let me ask you.

Have you really humbled your heart? 

Do you still need to be rescued? 

Well, He is waiting to save you.

How Esther got her name

Esther Rose

 When I was pregnant with Esther I came across a book named Chosen by Ginger Garrett. The book claims to be based off of Queen Esther's diaries. What I love about the story of Esther is the way she trusted God despite the difficult things she had no control over. But God can't be stopped and He used Esther's hard times for good. 

My Esther will have difficult times because of things she can't control. But God will use it for good.

Hints the name Esther.